you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
