Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
