Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
