She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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