you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
