Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
