i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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