It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
