I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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