im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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