Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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