I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
