My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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