sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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