RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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