Will you blow on my dice?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
