im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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