tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we're so committed to being not committed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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