im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
