kristin has been a bad kristin
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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