we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
