I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
