the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
