Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
