Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
