dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
