I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
