So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
