You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
