I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
