brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
