apparently the secret to your success is patron
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
