I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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