this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
