Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You were trust falling into bushes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
