Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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