im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
