As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
