I'm so fucking centered right now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
