I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
