Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
