i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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