I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
