gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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