I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
