my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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