we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
