They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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