I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
