i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did i walk over a car last night?
Just invented taco cereal.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
