just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
