Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
