how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drake has all the answers
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
