After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize