I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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