I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
