I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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