you turned your livingroom into a bong?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
