Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
