I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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