Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
